It has been nearly three years since my mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer which spread quickly to her brain, taking her from her loving family just four short months later. As Mother's Day draws near again, I am choosing to celebrate my MAMA and the countless lessons I learned from her rather than feel sad that she has passed away. After all, one of the most important lessons she taught me, I apply to my life on a regular basis, and I have found this lesson to be incredibly uplifting, therapeutic, and sometimes, even life-changing! This lesson has helped me to soothe sadness many times in my past. Apply this lesson to your own life and perhaps you will have a similar experience.
THE LESSON SIMPLY PUT: If you find yourself feeling sad, blue or even depressed, help someone out. Make a difference in another person's day.
Booker T. Washington said it like this: "If you want to lift yourself up, lift someone else up."
This works like a charm to make your day better. I hope you will try this and find it to be true. One of my favorite quotes speaks to this:
"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
James. M. Barrie
In August 2005, soon after Jil died suddenly, I was driving aimlessly down the road. Our children were at Wednesday night youth group, my husband was working, and I was falling into the depths of despondency as I grieved the loss of my 40 year old girlfriend.
Suddenly, I remembered this important lesson that my mother had always told me. Mama had always modeled this lesson, as well. Tragically, Hurricane Katrina and the broken levies had just flooded New Orleans. In a nearby community center, there was a Red Cross shelter, a safe haven for some of the Katrina evacuees. I drove straight to this center and found out that there was a volunteer position available for the following Monday, 6-10 a.m. I signed up and felt the sadness beginning to ease. And this is where I met Sarah L. Johnson, an eighty five year old African American woman who had never married and had resided in New Orleans her entire life. A friendship soon developed with Sarah that would change my life and you will read more about that on my next BLOG!
What lessons have you learned from your mother that you are applying to your life today?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING
My dear friend, JIL did this...She truly danced like no one was watching and she is dancing in heaven as I type, I am sure.
On August 5, 2005, Jil drowned in an Alabama lake while her family was with her. They were delighting in the final hazy, lazy days of summer when she slipped away. Jil was 40 years old. Jil was one of these people that inspired others to laugh and love. Jil is still remembered and missed by multitudes of people!
Last night as I was looking through an old file of inspirational articles and papers, I ran across an old email that Jil had forwarded to me in 2000. Sometimes life is funny, because this email had a note from Jil attached which quoted Joan Baez:
"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now."
You see, just before I received this email from Jil, she and I had participated in an Avon 3-Day 60 mile Breast Cancer Walk. We were surrounded by survivors at every turn. The walk was an incredibly stirring experience. A stirring of the soul.
An experience that changed our lives forever.
Jil's email message to me, just five years before her death, follows:
DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING
My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we ever went to New York, at least eight or nine years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me.
"Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."
I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things she had done without realizing that they were special. I'm still thinking about his words today, and they've changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia bloom.
I wear my good blazer to the market if I like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends.
SOMEDAY and ONE OF THESE DAYS are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.
I'm not sure what my sister would've done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the TOMORROW THAT WE ALL TAKE FOR GRANTED.
I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing-I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited.
Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with-someday.
Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write-one of these days.
Angry and sorry that didn't tell my husband often how much I truly love him.
I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that this day is special.
Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.
YOU'VE got to dance like no one is watching and LOVE like it's never going to hurt.
(author of this forwarded inspirational story is unknown to me)
So, it has been nearly four years since we said "see you later" to our dear friend Jil...recalling her laughter, her smile, her cooking and gift of hospitality, her voice and how she SAW and HEARD and DID what she wanted during her forty years here...
How about you...what is it that you are saving for a special occasion?
On August 5, 2005, Jil drowned in an Alabama lake while her family was with her. They were delighting in the final hazy, lazy days of summer when she slipped away. Jil was 40 years old. Jil was one of these people that inspired others to laugh and love. Jil is still remembered and missed by multitudes of people!
Last night as I was looking through an old file of inspirational articles and papers, I ran across an old email that Jil had forwarded to me in 2000. Sometimes life is funny, because this email had a note from Jil attached which quoted Joan Baez:
"You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now."
You see, just before I received this email from Jil, she and I had participated in an Avon 3-Day 60 mile Breast Cancer Walk. We were surrounded by survivors at every turn. The walk was an incredibly stirring experience. A stirring of the soul.
An experience that changed our lives forever.
Jil's email message to me, just five years before her death, follows:
DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING
My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we ever went to New York, at least eight or nine years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me.
"Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."
I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things she had done without realizing that they were special. I'm still thinking about his words today, and they've changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia bloom.
I wear my good blazer to the market if I like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends.
SOMEDAY and ONE OF THESE DAYS are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.
I'm not sure what my sister would've done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the TOMORROW THAT WE ALL TAKE FOR GRANTED.
I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing-I'll never know.
It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited.
Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with-someday.
Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write-one of these days.
Angry and sorry that didn't tell my husband often how much I truly love him.
I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that this day is special.
Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift.
YOU'VE got to dance like no one is watching and LOVE like it's never going to hurt.
(author of this forwarded inspirational story is unknown to me)
So, it has been nearly four years since we said "see you later" to our dear friend Jil...recalling her laughter, her smile, her cooking and gift of hospitality, her voice and how she SAW and HEARD and DID what she wanted during her forty years here...
How about you...what is it that you are saving for a special occasion?
Sunday, May 3, 2009
SEIZE THE DAY
Yesterday I shared about our good fortune of going to a live Kenny Loggins concert with my sister and her husband. Today I am reflecting on what events were on either side of the evening of the concert, and how important it is for me to continue to SEIZE THE DAY, doing my best to fit in the things that are important to me.
This past Thursday, five of my friends from grade school met at Lake Oconee for a girlfriend sleepover. There are actually eight of us and we call ourselves "The FFs". (Friends Forever) Just hanging out with these friends made me so thankful for friends...what a gift they are to me. Each of us is different in our own way, and we each bring something special to the table of friendship. Our friendships have lasted and strengthened through the years because we have chosen to build on our similarities instead of focusing on our differences. WE laughed, we cried and we came to solutions to some of our latest issues in life.
As the rest of the group stayed one more night, I drove home for the concert.
Yesterday, our daughter came home from college in the middle of her exam schedule. She wanted to be here for her cousin's bridal shower.
Last night gave my daughter and I an opportunity for some one on one time as we grilled steaks and watched a movie together.
Sunday brought an opportunity to worship in our church and then hurry home to host a beautiful wedding shower for our niece. This was a wonderful event and the food and fellowship was enjoyed by all.
I say all this to say, I feel very rich tonight!
Someone once said,
"If you want to feel rich, just count all the things that money can't buy."
In reading this, I hope you, too, will spend
your
days
in ways
that make you feel rich!
LET'S SEIZE THE DAY AS WE ENJOY THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE:
FAITH~~~~~~~FAMILY~~~~~~~FRIENDS
This past Thursday, five of my friends from grade school met at Lake Oconee for a girlfriend sleepover. There are actually eight of us and we call ourselves "The FFs". (Friends Forever) Just hanging out with these friends made me so thankful for friends...what a gift they are to me. Each of us is different in our own way, and we each bring something special to the table of friendship. Our friendships have lasted and strengthened through the years because we have chosen to build on our similarities instead of focusing on our differences. WE laughed, we cried and we came to solutions to some of our latest issues in life.
As the rest of the group stayed one more night, I drove home for the concert.
Yesterday, our daughter came home from college in the middle of her exam schedule. She wanted to be here for her cousin's bridal shower.
Last night gave my daughter and I an opportunity for some one on one time as we grilled steaks and watched a movie together.
Sunday brought an opportunity to worship in our church and then hurry home to host a beautiful wedding shower for our niece. This was a wonderful event and the food and fellowship was enjoyed by all.
I say all this to say, I feel very rich tonight!
Someone once said,
"If you want to feel rich, just count all the things that money can't buy."
In reading this, I hope you, too, will spend
your
days
in ways
that make you feel rich!
LET'S SEIZE THE DAY AS WE ENJOY THE THREE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE:
FAITH~~~~~~~FAMILY~~~~~~~FRIENDS
Saturday, May 2, 2009
CELEBRATE ME HOME
Last night, my husband and I had the good fortune to join my sister and her husband for a live concert with Kenny Loggins. These loved ones are in the midst of grieving the recent passing of their 25 year old son, Brad, and these plans were made in hopes to take some time out from being a full-time advocate for their son, who was injured in an accident on June 24, 2008 when he suffered a TBI. (see previous blog entitled, REMEMBERING BRAD for the whole story)
This concert was held in an open amphitheatre on the south side of Atlanta. The rain earlier in the day had subsided, leaving behind a wonderful, cool Spring night.
Some of our favorite greatest hits through the evening included: RETURN TO POOH CORNER, FOOTLOOSE, I'M ALLRIGHT, YOUR MAMA DON'T DANCE, and many more.
But when Kenny Loggins began the old tune CELEBRATE ME HOME, the crowd went wild.
As I sat there listening intently to the lyrics of this old familiar song...I thought again of my sister's son, our nephew, Brad, and sang this song in my heart to him...we spent ten long months not knowing if he would ever return to his normal self and we often wondered when he would get to go "home". As I took in the words while Kenny Loggins belted them out, it was confirmed to me that Brad is no longer on an uneasy highway, we can now celebrate him home.
Some of the lyrics of CELEBRATE ME HOME go like this:
It's time I found myself,
Totally surrounded in your circles
Whoa, my friends
Please celebrate me home,
Give me a number,
please, celebrate me home
Play me one more song,
That I'll always remember,
and I can recall,
Whenever I find myself too all alone,
I can sing me home.
Uneasy highway,
Traveling where the Westerly winds can fly,
Somebody tried to tell me,
But the man forgot to tell me why
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate me home
This concert was held in an open amphitheatre on the south side of Atlanta. The rain earlier in the day had subsided, leaving behind a wonderful, cool Spring night.
Some of our favorite greatest hits through the evening included: RETURN TO POOH CORNER, FOOTLOOSE, I'M ALLRIGHT, YOUR MAMA DON'T DANCE, and many more.
But when Kenny Loggins began the old tune CELEBRATE ME HOME, the crowd went wild.
As I sat there listening intently to the lyrics of this old familiar song...I thought again of my sister's son, our nephew, Brad, and sang this song in my heart to him...we spent ten long months not knowing if he would ever return to his normal self and we often wondered when he would get to go "home". As I took in the words while Kenny Loggins belted them out, it was confirmed to me that Brad is no longer on an uneasy highway, we can now celebrate him home.
Some of the lyrics of CELEBRATE ME HOME go like this:
It's time I found myself,
Totally surrounded in your circles
Whoa, my friends
Please celebrate me home,
Give me a number,
please, celebrate me home
Play me one more song,
That I'll always remember,
and I can recall,
Whenever I find myself too all alone,
I can sing me home.
Uneasy highway,
Traveling where the Westerly winds can fly,
Somebody tried to tell me,
But the man forgot to tell me why
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate, celebrate
Celebrate me home
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
THE ATTIC IS CLEAN, THE HEART IS LIGHT
Today was the day that I finally ventured into the attic above the garage where we park our three cars. This project had been looming in the back of my mind since January 2009. After driving through our community and seeing garage sale signs everywhere and then talking to my walking buddy, Kathy, this afternoon about her plans for a sale this weekend, I knew the time had come.
This attic was filled pretty much to the max and I had not cleaned it from corner to corner in several years. In celebration of our ten year anniversary in this home, I decided about 6 months ago to unclutter every corner, every closet, all spaces would be cleaned and uncluttered. This attic would be my final project. Whooray!
So I headed upstairs with lots of empty boxes and garbage bags. I found boxes of maternity clothes (my "baby" is 17 now), baby items for both genders in every size imaginable, dishes, files from my years of teaching, books and more. A few hours later, I came out with plenty of dust and dirt all over myself, but feeling wonderful! Other than about 1/2 dozen boxes that still need to be sorted and the items I'll place on our front porch for a donation next week, the attic is clear of clutter!
There will be lots of trash on the street tomorrow when the garbage truck comes around.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955) was quoted as saying "Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."
I agree with him! Uncluttering my home these past months has helped to unclutter my mind and my soul. It has truly been therapeutic, cathartic to unclutter our home, our safehaven, our place of refuge. I feel much freer...Jan Denise, an American Columnist, Author and Speaker, says it like this: "I've been getting rid of some clutter-anything that does not serve a positive purpose in my life-and making room for things that feel happy to me. Because I get to make my life whatever I want it to be. I get to make the room feel however I want it to feel. I get to make the closet as full or as spacious as I want it. And, if I have more clutter to get rid of after Christmas, I'm not going to wait a year, or two or three to do it."
After all, this life is not a dress rehearsal and we only get one chance.
What do you need to free your mind, home or heart from today?
This attic was filled pretty much to the max and I had not cleaned it from corner to corner in several years. In celebration of our ten year anniversary in this home, I decided about 6 months ago to unclutter every corner, every closet, all spaces would be cleaned and uncluttered. This attic would be my final project. Whooray!
So I headed upstairs with lots of empty boxes and garbage bags. I found boxes of maternity clothes (my "baby" is 17 now), baby items for both genders in every size imaginable, dishes, files from my years of teaching, books and more. A few hours later, I came out with plenty of dust and dirt all over myself, but feeling wonderful! Other than about 1/2 dozen boxes that still need to be sorted and the items I'll place on our front porch for a donation next week, the attic is clear of clutter!
There will be lots of trash on the street tomorrow when the garbage truck comes around.
Albert Einstein (1879-1955) was quoted as saying "Three Rules of Work: Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."
I agree with him! Uncluttering my home these past months has helped to unclutter my mind and my soul. It has truly been therapeutic, cathartic to unclutter our home, our safehaven, our place of refuge. I feel much freer...Jan Denise, an American Columnist, Author and Speaker, says it like this: "I've been getting rid of some clutter-anything that does not serve a positive purpose in my life-and making room for things that feel happy to me. Because I get to make my life whatever I want it to be. I get to make the room feel however I want it to feel. I get to make the closet as full or as spacious as I want it. And, if I have more clutter to get rid of after Christmas, I'm not going to wait a year, or two or three to do it."
After all, this life is not a dress rehearsal and we only get one chance.
What do you need to free your mind, home or heart from today?
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
BIRTHDAYS
My heart friend is having a birthday tomorrow and a few of us were able to meet for lunch today to celebrate Sara's presence in our lives. As a fifty something woman, I find it more important than ever to remember birthdays and the special people each day represents.
My group of friends from Druid Hills High School and I really did it up right last year when we all turned fifty. The first thing we did was we decided that we would celebrate each birthday throughout the years with balloons, bells and whistles! Then we planned a fiftieth birthday trip to visit one of the group in Colorado. While there, we went horseback riding in the Rockies and took numerous mountain hikes through the countryside. Then when our last friend in our group of eight had her fiftieth in December 2008, we decided that we would do it all again this year for our fifty-first. What a great idea! And so in March, 2009, we began again with Mary's birthday celebration. And the plan is to do the same thing again for our fifty-second, our fifty-third and so on! NO telling what we'll do for our sixtieth!
In Henri Nouwen's book HERE AND NOW, he teaches us why birthday parties are so significant. "Birthdays need to be celebrated. I think it is more important to celebrate a birthday than a successful exam, a promotion, or a victory. Because to celebrate a birthday means to say to someone: 'Thank you for being you.' On a birthday, we do not say: 'Thanks for what you did, or said, or accomplished.' No, we say: 'Thank you for being born and being among us.'" Nicole Johnson agrees when she says: "This is the heartbeat of celebrating friendships and family. Rejoicing, honoring, applauding, commending, saluting, toasting the wonderful people in our lives."
So, here's to you on your special day wherever it might fall on the calendar.
My group of friends from Druid Hills High School and I really did it up right last year when we all turned fifty. The first thing we did was we decided that we would celebrate each birthday throughout the years with balloons, bells and whistles! Then we planned a fiftieth birthday trip to visit one of the group in Colorado. While there, we went horseback riding in the Rockies and took numerous mountain hikes through the countryside. Then when our last friend in our group of eight had her fiftieth in December 2008, we decided that we would do it all again this year for our fifty-first. What a great idea! And so in March, 2009, we began again with Mary's birthday celebration. And the plan is to do the same thing again for our fifty-second, our fifty-third and so on! NO telling what we'll do for our sixtieth!
In Henri Nouwen's book HERE AND NOW, he teaches us why birthday parties are so significant. "Birthdays need to be celebrated. I think it is more important to celebrate a birthday than a successful exam, a promotion, or a victory. Because to celebrate a birthday means to say to someone: 'Thank you for being you.' On a birthday, we do not say: 'Thanks for what you did, or said, or accomplished.' No, we say: 'Thank you for being born and being among us.'" Nicole Johnson agrees when she says: "This is the heartbeat of celebrating friendships and family. Rejoicing, honoring, applauding, commending, saluting, toasting the wonderful people in our lives."
So, here's to you on your special day wherever it might fall on the calendar.
Monday, April 27, 2009
FITNESS AND FRIENDSHIP MAKE THE DIFFERENCE
I took a bike ride today by myself from the Kennesaw Mountain Visitor's Park to the Marietta Square, and back, about 3 miles each way. My plan was to ride to the square for exercise, visit our Hallmark store to purchase a few greeting cards and then ride back. I decided to visit dk gallery, a new art gallery on our square, owned by our good friend, Donna. I knew that ordinarily, Donna was not in on Mondays, but I thought I might get lucky and have an unexpected visit with her today.
The weather was beautiful for a bike ride, not too hot and not too cool...just right!
And as my good fortune would have it, Donna was in and not too busy for us to have a visit.
I once heard a quote by Seneca that fits with my day and this very special friend:
"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
I had not had a chance to share about Brad's celebration service and all that had happened in the past couple of weeks, so we shared from our hearts for a little while. Again, I considered how very important friendship and fitness are for the 50 something woman! The bike ride was strenuous enough to make me feel like I had some exercise and my time with Donna was just enough to fill me up with love and friendship.
How about you? Are you making sure that you take care of yourself by taking time out for friendship and fitness. If not, why not?
The weather was beautiful for a bike ride, not too hot and not too cool...just right!
And as my good fortune would have it, Donna was in and not too busy for us to have a visit.
I once heard a quote by Seneca that fits with my day and this very special friend:
"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
I had not had a chance to share about Brad's celebration service and all that had happened in the past couple of weeks, so we shared from our hearts for a little while. Again, I considered how very important friendship and fitness are for the 50 something woman! The bike ride was strenuous enough to make me feel like I had some exercise and my time with Donna was just enough to fill me up with love and friendship.
How about you? Are you making sure that you take care of yourself by taking time out for friendship and fitness. If not, why not?
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